I know that the Christian thing to do when an offence is committed is to forgive and even better train your mind to forget. I was sure that I could have done the forgiveness thing as usual because I prided myself that I was so quick to forgive because of the many times I did without a problem. But my last test I failed miserably.
I would say that I would be the first who forgave those who hurt me but this last time, I struggled immensely.
Someone says you must choose to forgive because it frees you. I am sure that they are right but this go around it was not a textbook quick example, I was living the real thing and I realized it was hard to forgive the offender and forget the nature of the offence.
I was served a punishment that I did not deserve and I was confused on why one blow was not enough that I had to receive another blow that definitely nearly caused me to lose my sense of stability. For my reality was, I forgave before and was learning how to let go, when I was smacked with an even greater offence. I hurt and I was suffering inside! Lies, infidelity, disrespect, betrayal and deceit are all causes that would trigger an unforgiving heart. People, many times when they have experience one or all of them, make an impromptu vow on how they may never forgive. But yet there are those who would make it a point to choose to forgive but suddenly realize it is not that easy.
The hurt in my life imposed on me by others, was never really deserved. It would have been fine if I did something dreadful to those who have hurt me, then it would all be justified. I kept telling myself you have to forgive to be forgiven. I convinced myself that everyone deserves mercy, compassion and grace but it was hard to let go.
I got angry and had every feeling of emotion. I felt like a volcano about to erupt violently and I kept telling myself to let it go and forgive. This time, the pain seem like it was permanently attached to me. Daily my mind recalled past event, conversations and the more I tried to forget The more I was exposed to cold, hard truth, the more it seems the world highlighted the negative . How could I move on when everything I found out was a lie; and that friends were really my enemies in disguise; and those who were apart of my team were never really down with me and subsequently abandoned me because they knew that there heart was not for me? How, after every offence some intentional, and others that may not be, do you keep on forgiving?
I do want to follow Christ's teachings line by line and precept by precept but I struggled. I struggled with forgiveness when people clearly know that what they are doing can hurt another person. You
cannot think that cheating and betrayal would not have an effect on another. I struggle with forgiveness when people who are closed to you, constantly have an issue with you. They always seem to gossip about you, run to the phone lines and dissect your performance and always seem to find a way to turn people heart from you. I don't understand why anyone would be intent on pulling down, causing strife and division especially those who claim they are apart of the Body of Christ. I have come to realize the older, I become, I don't have time to retreat and fall back or not be real. I have decided to shine a light on my faults first and deal with them. But I also don't have time to cover evil whether it is directed at me or anyone else.
I have been lied on
I have been cheated on
I have been betrayed
I have been rejected
I have been persecuted
I have been torn down by words of gossip
I have been misunderstood
I have been abandoned
I have been jealous
I have been angry
I have been despondent
I have been manipulative
I have struggled to forgive...
Although, I choose to forgive, I found sometimes it is not as easy as it seems. So, I submit to a daily practice now. Every morning, I rise, I sit at the edge of my bed and asked God to help me walk out my day, and then I surrender my issues over to him. I confess what I am struggling with that seems not to to away and I asked him to help me overcome. I don't know why this time is not as easy as the rest but one thing I do know, when I'm faced with a difficult problem, I make it a point to turn it over to a God.
The forgiveness process is never easy but begin everyday with a daily practice and sitting in God's Presence and surrendering all that may have you torn, down or burdened and ask him to deal with those issues you of your life.
And for those who may struggle with forgiveness, keep confessing, keep telling yourself, you forgive and you let go and eventually your heart will be free to move on...
You're Almost There!
If you are still struggling with forgiveness, you can repeat this prayer below with me:
Dear Father,
I surrender my heart to you, as I am burdened and troubled by all the offences and attacks that are against me. I ask that you forgive me for my own offences and I ask that you forgive those who may have hurt and offended me in many ways. I want to be forgiven and I want to forgive. Lord, give me the power and strength to let go and live in perfect peace as your Holy Spirit leads me forward.
Humbly, I asked this in Jesus' Name!
Unveiled to Be Transformed
-Keisha
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