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My Story is Still Being Written...Stay Tuned!

My Story Is Still Being Written
I should have been further ahead by now.
I should have owned my own home.
I should have been married with children.
I should have accomplished those goals and dreams...So, what happened?

Here is my truth, I am staring at myself wondering where I went wrong.
No, I refuse to have another pity party but have a conversation with my real self.
I am a woman of great skills, educated,
poise and presence.
I present well to the world where most people comment on how successful I seem to be.
They would say, you have such a presence, you stand with awe and confidence, you look rich, you are a great mother...I hear the onslaught of compliments and I smile humbly and shake my head with gratitude.

To tell the truth, I often feel that way, but my reality is that I am far from where my mind is and what
so many people perceive of me. I dream of success, daring to rise on the wings of success, reaching toward
the stratosphere in pursuit of childhood dreams that I have carried in my heart.
I tell myself, that one day, I would make it.

But, I wonder what did I do wrong!

It is not that I am not trying, or working hard to make my dreams come true.
You see, everyday, I wake up willing myself to fight another day and go after my dreams.
But what when you tried it all and yet you are not progressing ahead and your world is crumbling.

I must admit, I often feel like a failure.

When I look at my life, this is what I see...

I failed to get a promotion, even though I produced
I failed to get the position, despite great interviews and qualifications
I failed in my relationships, although I was open to change and loved deeply
I failed at securing myself a piece of the pie, even though, I never was selfish in giving or sharing my gifts with others.

Friends, I just want to be an honest writer and say, not everything works out the way we would like and I try to encourage myself that failure are precursors to success eventually...

But what do you say to yourself when you have been beaten and broken to the point that you are struggling to keep it together.  I could imagine how a wife feels finding out, after so many years of marriage her husband was unfaithful. I could imagine how a man feels having to go home and tell his family he was let go from his job. I could imagine how one feels when after so much of trying to build a business, nothing comes through.

This is the point, where I am suppose to say something deep and profound right...

Honestly, all I could say here is, I got nothing, at this time.

I am just like everyone else, praying, crying, hoping, surrendering, because I don't even know how to help myself because I am looking up and not seeing the silver lining behind the dark clouds but I am blindly trusting the God I pledge my life and love to wholeheartedly.

I am blindly calling out to a God that is silent in my story,
I am crying out to a God that has to see my tears and
I am holding onto the last piece of my hope and faith after I surrendered all that I have...

I have come to a place of total surrender...

I don't know what my future holds, after all of the experiences, I hope that my faith would be unwavering
in a God that has a track record in turning a mess into a miracle and ashes into beauty...

So, as for me I will hope continually and praise God more and more- Psalm 71:14

My Story is Still Being Written...Stay Tuned!!!

Unveiled to Be Transformed
-Keisha

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