Choosing Yourself
"Self Care is an act of Love," read this somewhere and it resonated with me deeply. Today, everyone is talking about "self love" and "self care"it has become almost a fad nowadays and some thing that most new age social mavens would call currently "trending." It is a popular term that has the world focusing and concentrating on self. However, it should only be considered a must if you are one who have been neglecting "self" for most of your life. I am talking about those selfless, giving, and larger than life personalities, who are the ones most people expect to receive help from. They are those the world calls "The Givers" and the Givers have been pilfered, plundered, pissed on by so many takers or toxic personalities.
I am writing because I am one of those who have been mishandled, misused, taken advantage of over time....I am a Giver.
In an effort to be transparent, many people consider the fact that because I am a christian woman, a minister, and a preacher's daughter that I am easy prey because many think that those of us who follow Christ should be doormats for people to walk on.
I have gathered this from observation over time, where many people tend to think that we who are believers of Christ, ought to just give, love, forgive, turn the other cheek and let bygones be bygones. I dare to say, for the best of us it is a work in progress. For those who are mature and seasoned in managing people and our human emotions, most certainly have mastered the art of letting go of offenses and unforgiveness, albeit for others it is a day by day process.
Lately, I have been in self examination mode, as I have come to realize how much toxicity exists in the world we live in and how much people are opposed to becoming better people. What I mean by this, is that many people cannot see their own wrong only others. Also, many people are comfortable with their bad traits and qualities and do not want to change them.
I also am aware that there are those who are constantly giving and pouring out of self time after time. For some, it has become draining to the point of breaking down or destroying one self. The world's Givers give to everyone the best of everything and hold on to whatever is left for them. The Givers do not direct their care, kindness, love and forgiveness towards themselves first. It is always directed to others. These Givers have big hearts and they care but they are the ones that are mostly ignored and taken for granted.
Here's my question to those who fall into the category of the Givers...
How can you be good to others when you are not good to yourself first? In fact, many of us have been giving and pushing for others for so long that we have neglected everything in us. We have given of our time and resources and now we are found wanting and all those people that we have helped are no where around.
Don't get me wrong, if you facilitate kindness or give to others it should come with no expectation, the bible says," It is more blessed to give than to receive" I understand the preceding statement to be true, when you give genuinely, it is a rewarding feeling. So, in no way, I am writing to discourage selfless giving and love, I am just making a point.
Back to self...
I have experienced in some of my close relationships, where there are those who came into my life to just take, they have manipulated and coerced their way in so as to get what they want for themselves. Mind you, I realize it takes two in a relationship and there is a give and take that is involved but if it is one sided...it is not good for you as the person who always find themselves pouring out of self. I am not just only speaking about romantic relationships, but also friendships, family relationships etc.
I know many people that are currently plagued with this same condition, the conditioning of putting others before self. This always ends in tragedy.
Again, I am not saying that we ought not to care, show concern, generate acts of kindness but at what point are you being fulfilled? At what point, do you feel that people generally value you or are you only seen as a means to an end or to be someone's meal ticket.
Toxic people destroy good people!
This is why clearly, I am stating that we have to be conscious of who we align ourselves with. It is horrifying to date or to be involved with selfish and toxic individuals. We can make excuses on why, they are like the way they are, but we know this truth...everyone has a choice.There are general principles that we all grew up with, principles such as " Kindness begets kindness;" "Manners takes you all around the world;" and the most important which is the golden rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
Let me be honest, I believe for many years, I attracted toxicity. I found myself attracted to bad friendships and involved with men that clearly were not the men, God intended for me. I convinced myself that I should give them a chance despite my preliminary instincts. Heck, my excuse was no-one is perfect. However, when someone shows you basically who they are, believe them. You cannot hide selfishness, you cannot hide bitterness, you cannot hide wounds that fester, you can only try to cover them for a while, and they will eventually emerge.
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| Betrayal of self is the greatest affliction one can place on themselves |
Many of us perhaps are guilty of those confessions above....we choose everyone instead of ourselves. This blog post is for the person who is looking deep within themselves today and is determined to be serious about self....not because it today's fad, or trend but because YOU are committed to choosing SELF.
It is quite simple, start with putting in the WORK...lots of WORK.
Here is a list of things that you can do as a priority for YOU:
- Trust Yourself more,
- Love Yourself more,
- Forgive Yourself more,
- Give to yourself more,
- Speak up for yourself more,
- Laugh with yourself more
- Grow and heal yourself more.
- Live for Yourself More
In the next few months of 2019, commit to being better for you and only you...
CHOOSE YOURSELF FIRST!!!
Unveiled to be Transformed.
-Keisha
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